Kamis kemarin, gue baru saja melakukan hal yang selama ini gue pikir nggak mungkin untuk dilakukan; olahraga (cukup) berat sebelum kuliah (malam).

Jangan bayangkan itu kaya indoor sports kaya di berbagai gym yang fully air conditioned dan diduga lebih menyegarkan mata daripada raga itu (heuehe..), tapi ini olah raga di luar ruangan. Tenis, coy! Akhirnya.. 

Biar kulit bisa bernafas dengan alami, katanya. Atau bisa jadi seperti NANS yang bilang bahwa efek aerobiknya itu jauh banget bedanya. And yeah, I prove it myself, and she was correct for sure! 

Love this sports much, but somehow didn’t do it for quite a long time. Terakhir kali gue mengayunkan raket tuh udah sejak, umm.. (ngitung2 bentar) 20 tahun lalu! Whoa! It’s about time, I guess? 

Kenapa tadinya gue kira kagak mungkin? Selama ini gue sangka gue bakal langsung kelenger atau minimal kuliah jadi ndak konsen gara2 kecapekan plus ngos-ngos an. Ternyata oh, ternyata.. yang ada gue malah ngerasa segar bugar sepanjang malam. Bahkan hingga saat kelas berakhir jelang tengah malam pun, kaya nya masih pengen nambah lagi tuh!:p 

And now, can hardly wait for my Cross Country cycling course on next Sunday, and what effect it may cause to my next classes! Hmmm… 

Friday, Nov 02, 2007 – 08.22 am
© terbanglah lebih tinggi

PS: Photo courtesy of a friend, Sentul highlands,  071104  pagi2

 

 

From previous journal of a friend, I absorb her indirect respond to one of my old thoughts posted on this blog. Hers read like this, in Italics (hope I translated it right, dear):

 

.. There’s someone believed that fcuking before marriage is a sign that the man does not care about the woman. If we thought like this, then most of the “western” males are simply bast*rds and super a**holes who cannot respect women like those that they deserved. Ironically, on those western countries, doing abuse things, especially sexual abuse, is totally against the law. The abuser definitely would go to jail. There is probably such applicable law on the eastern countries; however, are they enforced properly? Well, who knows?

 

Well, that was a very good argumentation, dear; and totally agree with that. Only I did not refer and intend it to the whole world when I originally wrote that statement. Just a self proclaim and that is all; I will not do it because I respect the girl I am blessed to be romantically with. Alternatively, may we say this as a personal credo only.

 

However, psychologically supporting your argumentation above, human being tends to be seduced by everything's illegal or can hardly be accepted by the society as whole, or even by the applied law and regulations. Nevertheless, when they let it be free, soon it would lost its appeal.

 

Hard to be get, that would add the price of the returns. Or at least would maintain its diminishing rate of returns. Don’t you think so? (uh, I borrowed the line from an economic theory, hehe..)

 

Thus, whether we would like to have a virgin as our bride (or as our girl friends) or not, that will and shall depend on our personal wishes and needs, and sure, it would be one’s personal rights to do so. I am totally leaving that decision to everybody. Speaking of generalizations...

 

It is just that I think we (the male animals) should be fair and of course responsible in practicing that oath. If you want to have a virgin as your bride, than it would only be fair if you can protect your own virginity before marriage, and vice versa. On the other hand, if you want to have sex with your partner, than you should be responsible about the future of the two of you, and not neglecting her just like that. Esp. if they not careful enough and forgot to use protection. Frankly, that is what happened here - in Indonesia. Bear in mind that on the line above I said "to have sex", not "to make love" - I believe "to make love" could only be done after marriage.

 

Agreed, there are many ways to respect each other. If she could easily decide to have sex with another man instead, just because I refused her, than why should I defend that relationship anymore? By then, she simply cheated on me - never mind the reasons. Moreover, as long as I keep my loyalty, then it would only be fair if I expect her to do just the same; and of course vice versa. Fairness and loyalty...

 

I'd rather consider a relationship as a lifetime investment, and not feel to have it just because to have it, or just because others said so. I feel comfortable with my self and my world, and could define my own happiness; not as other people may see, nor no matter what they may say.

 

From legal perspective, please be reminded that there are several laws applied here (followed by diff marriage council, for instance; i.e. catatan sipil, pengadilan agama, and so on).

 

I am not really sure whether there are any applicable clause written on our KUHP or KUH Perdata stated that having sex before marriage is illegal (assuming that both parties agreed to do that and without forced acts). Nevertheless, I believe that, and no offense may I say, by ALL and any religious standard, such thing is, in fact, illegal. Hence, we are mature person in front of the law; so I do not want to judge anybody here. As I said, it was only a personal credo of mine. It could be yours, or it could be not; I do not have any problems with that. It is each person's own business... be it with their God or with themselves (or families, or friends, or society - mentioned the names, please).

 

In addition, be reminded, as I already said this repeatedly, and quoting my ex’s academicals research (a sociologist at Australian National Uni, Canberra, and now pursuing her PhD at Sorbonne, Paris) the worst punishment in Indonesia is not the one legally nor religiously examined, but it is social sanctions. Derived from social perceptions. And (almost) no one can hold themselves against that.

 

 

© terbanglah lebih tinggi

Sunday, September 09, 2007

Jakarta 14130 Cilincing

18.52 wib

 

 

PS:

§         Read previous related article:

o        Persepsi Sosial and

o        Never FCUK before Marriage

 

§         The article above was my respond to a friend’s journal: Bercinta

 

§         Photo taken from SMH, AU

 

 

 

Start:	Jul 29, '07 06:15a
End:	Jul 29, '07 11:00a
Location:	Stadion PTIK, Jl. Tirtayasa No.6, Kebayoran baru – Jakarta Selatan

Untuk detil, lihat ke: Petro Cup 2007

 

Hanya berbagi sebuah percakapan lama dengan seorang sahabat, a beautiful girl (sorry, no name please), yang tiba-tiba kembali mengusik ketenangan kenangan dan kenyakinan pikiran.

 

+: Hey mas, kemarin kamu telepon ya? Sori aku udah ketiduran

- : Ohiya. Biasalah, gue coba 2x. Pas nggak diangkat, yawess… paling ada yg lagi jadi kebo, hehe..

 

+: Emang nelpon darimana sih? Kok tumben2an jam segitu

- : Gue lagi nongkrong di emperan, lagi makan nasi goreng, habis liat balet di GKJ

 

+: Nelpon pake apa lo? Kok gk ada no. lo, yg ada miscall dr no tak dikenal gitu. Dan gw pun tidur dr jam 6 sore - 8 mlm, ngantuks berat critanya :p Btw kok laki2 nonton balet sih, lo gmn sih bro...??

- : Heyyyy, what's wrong with watching a ballet performance anyway? I wont lost my penis thus my manhood just to see it, don’t you think so? Wanna proof, gorgeous? Hihihi..

 

Jadi bertanya-tanya, apakah senyatanya memang ada korelasi positif antara skala kelelakian seorang pria, versus jenis tontonan apa yang dia pilih? Atau dalam skala yang lebih luas, tindakan apa yang dia (pilih untuk dia) lakukan dalam situasi tertentu?

 

Pembahasan lebih jauh dalam perspektif berbeda bisa dibaca di: Persepsi Sosial

 

 

Jakarta, Wednesday,

Apr 11, 2007 – 21.38 wib

© terbanglah lebih tinggi

 

 

PS:

Artikel terkait dapat dibaca pada link berikut:

§         Persepsi Sosial

§         Panduan Menikmati Teater

 

renungan Hari Kartini utk seorang sahabat,

artikel asli dikirimkan dalam bentuk email

(artikel terkait: Untuk Apa Hari Kartini Diperingati)

© terbanglah lebih tinggi

 

 

Ris,

Aku kok masih kepikiran aja ya, komentar dirimu pagi tadi; tentang kau yang nggak mau ikut rapat penting di gedung WTC Sudirman dengan Y dan E. Tapi kau elakkan tugas mengerikan itu dengan cara memberikan alasan bahwa,

 

"...aku kan perempuan; nggak perlu karir (tinggi);

nanti juga pensiun, harus urus anak, dapur,bla.bla.."

 

Terus terang, aku nggak setuju banget dengan komentar mu yang seperti itu. Apalagi karena aku tahu bahwa sebenarnya kau nggak mau bergabung semata hanya karena "males"J Jadi, ya sudahlah, nggak perlu kau gunakan alasan yang bombastis seperti itu.

 

Tapi di samping itu, aku merasa bahwa alasan itu sebenarnya malah terbalik; alias kau menggunakan alasan "males" itu cuma sekedar untuk menjadi pembenaran dan penggampangan diri – demi nggak usah ikut. Dan terbebas dari tekanan penjelasan yang dikritisi semua. Yah, daripada ngomong yang bombastis seperti pagi tadi, dan telah sukses membuat semua yang mendengar jadi mengerutkan kening, kan? Dan omongan seperti itu rasanya kurang cocok bila diterapkan ke sembarang orang, kau tahu itu.

 

Why I didn't agree?

 

Mengapa? Dan merujuk pada argumentasi mu sebelumnya, karena aku percaya bahwa (seharusnya) perempuan punya hak atas kesempatan yang sama dengan yang diperoleh pria.  Whilst life, is merely a choice anyway.

 

Ris,

Ini hanyalah masalah pilihan. Dan kau tahu tentunya setiap pilihan tersebut punya resikonya masing-masing. Misal, seperti kau tadi bilang, harus bolak-balik repot menitipkan anak ke mertua tiap hari kerja, sementara sebelum berangkat tiap pagi masih harus mengurus anak+suami dulu, dan untuk itu kau terpaksa punya 2 (dua) mobil untuk satu digunakan kau dan suami sementara satunya lagi untuk antar-jemput anak (dan mertua) sehari-hari, etc..etc..

 

Okelah, secara sosial, masyarakat kita (Indonesia) memang masih sangat paternalistik. Masih untung bila mereka tidak terjebak dalam male-chauvinism. Masih untung bila tiada pria dalam keluargamu yang merasa diri Tuhan Semesta Alam. Masih untung bila kau masih memiliki sepasang telinga yang mendengar, segenggam belaian yang hangat menghibur, dan sejumput bola mata yang menatap mu penuh cinta – tanpa peduli apapun. Entah kerutan di wajah, entah usia nan membentang, maupun jarak dan waktu yang tercipta.

 

Dan masyarakat itu hanya bisa memandang dengan sinis atas berbagai wanita menakjubkan yang senyatanya ingin mengaktualisasikan diri nya. Hanya bisa menghakimi dengan sewenang-wenang atas mereka yang berkeinginan untuk mengamalkan tahun-tahun kuliah mereka yang berat dan mahal, ataupun mereka lainnya yang hanya sekedar mencari tambahan asap dapur dengan cara bekerja.

 

Ris, 

Apapun alasannya, aku sangat mengagumi para perempuan seperti itu; yang dengan sadar dan bertanggungjawab menjalani pilihan yang (relatif) lebih berat - demi keluarga yang dicintai, sekaligus demi dirinya sendiri. It's all about life balancing. And I know it's not that easy. I humbily bow myself to them.

 

Adalah hak kau (dan semua wanita hebat lainnya) untuk meraih, menciptakan, dan MEMPERJUANGKAN kesempatan yang sama dengan pria manapun di seluruh dunia. Pun di Indonesia. Apapun alasannya.

 

Ris, 

Tentunya kau masih ingat padanya, kita berlaksa kali berdiskusi tentangnya. Dia, seorang perempuan hebat, pengacara muda yang cerdas; yang dahulu sempat dekat dengan ku pernah berkata dalam salah satu diskusi kami :

 

“..bahwa perempuan - nggak perlu sekolah tinggi, (bisa) mendapatkan jodoh yang tepat, (could) be a good mother, blablabla.. Bahwa perempuan akan terus menghadapi berbagai masalah pun ekspektasi lingkungan yang sama – tanpa peduli di Negara mana, dan tahun berapa.."

 

Aku mengerti kerutan di keningmu. Ya, mungkin dia memandang dari sudut yang lebih ekstrim; bahwa lelaki adalah najis, atau bahkan musuh bersama (I know what made her spoke like that, and yet I dont fully agree with her), mungkin tidak semua perempuan akan setuju, atau bahkan mengalaminya. Tapi ya, sedikit banyak kesimpulan seperti itulah yang akan langsung terlintas dalam benak. Dan tentunya itu nggak bisa dipersalahkan. Terpulang hanyalah bagaimana disampaikan pun diamalkan.

 

Ris,

That really shows what a male-dominated world we're living in. Menyesakkan bahwa walaupun nyata beberapa dekade telah terlampaui, tapi tetap saja kemajuan isu persamaan jender berjalan dengan amat sangat lambat. Dan karenanya perempuan tidak akan pernah lepas dari stereotip yang itu-itu saja.

 

In the end, do allow myself to just keep on wondering; when woman would (or could?) finally be able to achieve their freedom to have what they want - to take their chances? Dan tidak (lagi) tersandera dengan alasan sederhana; suami, anak, maupun keluarga?

 

Karena, justru demi mereka lah; perempuan (terutama yang bersuami) seharusnya berjuang meraih impiannya! Bersama meraih cita-cita.

 

To be equal partner - in love, .. and life..

 

 

Jakarta 12870 Pancoran

060421 212900

 

© terbanglah lebih tinggi

 

 

Never fcuk before marriage! That’s what I shouted out over a recent “discussion” with a wondering life. They may have their own disagreement against this, but I have my own eligible reasons too.

 

It's always the girls who got all the blame and punishment; be it from religious authorities, from the so called the morality society, from their own life, and so on.

 

If you really care about them, and if you're really a man; you know that you shouldn’t do it, and definitely wouldn’t - even if you got the chance, or if the girl(s) were –sorry to say– offering herself. Yes, I believe that chances wouldn’t be repeated, there’s only one happened on each occasions. But this kind of chance is the one you shouldn’t take. Never.

 

I believe that gentlemen do not ever take such advantages. It violates his honor.

 

 

Jakarta 14130 Cilincing

Sunday, May 13, 2007 – 02.52 am

 

 

PS:

Yeah, got several chances myself. Guess what did I do? *grin

 

Start:	Jan 18, '07 3:30p
Location:	Jakarta

another Yoga Class reminder..

Ugh, can I make it? Been busy like hell; or days and nights and months.
Project this, project that. Last minute updating, last second urgent request.
Cant catch up for the most, including for my blog & my own blackberry.

But surely need some refreshments for mind and body.. :-)

A few days ago (note: this article was originally wrote in August 2006, thus this term is referred back to the beginning of Aug 2006), the Indonesian Siamese twins newly born babies that were widely reported with amazement and disbelieved finally passed away, a few weeks after their existence in this mortal world; struggling for their survival. Perhaps this would be much better for them, or their poor parents. We came from God, and to Him only we shall go back – Inna lillahi wa inna ilaihi raji’un.

 

As a siamese twins, they were born with quite a rare case; one body, two hands, two legs, but two-functioning-heads. Can you imagine that? If they ever grow up, how could they share their lives? It is indeed a rare phenomenon, with only one other reported case so far, somewhere in the US, the exact same bodily conditions case – one body with two heads, and they are still living happily until now. Both are girls aged 16. And they have different taste and personality, though perhaps not much.

 

But still, there’s one ethical question that keeps getting stronger everyday;

how would they live their lives upon maturity?

 

Would they work in different fields? Would they marry – to different men, perhaps? And when they make love? Would they share their baby(-ies) born? Can you imagine that?

 

Upon these terrible thoughts, some of us would think of euthanasia. Something that for so many people amongst us, are unbearable even just to hear; that some  people ever could have thought about it. Something that just could never be understood for so many good people out there, especially ones who NEVER once experience what it feels and means to be left with no hope; or those who have seen too many and just couldn’t bear it no more – in term of resources, time, strength, etc. Something that in many places in the world, or in front of the most devoted people of all religions, is simply unacceptable; even for just to be talked about. A pariah.

 

Are you amongst those whose ever thought about it?

 

Have you ever have someone so close to you, whom you love so much until it hurts, and as much as they wanted to have you by their side, you don’t want to see them struggle any much longer because you just can’t stand to see their suffering? And at the same time you feel like you are hitting a brick wall: because nearly if not all of your resources had been thrown to them with apparently no result at all, while your family needed to be fed, clothed and educated. Or that you know exactly instead of that fight, one with such authority had already given you their time? Sometimes they do it mercilessly, sometimes they put a heavy burden upon themselves of having known themselves that it’s useless; but all and all it is a verdict that must be given no matter what? Have you?**

 

Do you care enough? What is your priority?

 

Remember the Golden Rule of Ethics:

“Never do something to others, anything

that you don't want to be done to you yourself

by somebody else".

 

Regarding that rule, before you ever do anything, ask yourself first,

§         "Would what I will do make any harm for others”, or

§         “Will I  be harmed if somebody does the same to me?"

 

If the honest answer is "yes", then stop it right away! No question. Another thing, if by one chance we witness somebody else does the things that we would not do, never use it as our example. Never make it as our excuse for our own wrongdoing.

 

For a while, for a short period of time, you probably would bear the negative impact for being someone who strives for honesty, fairness, and integrity. But in the long run, you (and your nation, or at least everyone with and around you) will harvest the most of it. And that's where it pays!

 

Even if later on you find that you stand on your own against the mass, at least you know that you have done your best. At least you can be at peace with yourself. With your heart and mind. And God.

 

Jakarta’s Toll-Road,

Tg.Priok-Pancoran route,

Tue, August 22, 2006 – 06.45 am

 

 

PS:

In loving memory of my late mom – Hj. Tuchlifati Isnandar (1950-1996). One brave soul who endlessly and cheerfully fought ‘till the end, for a 16 years of struggling; despite of any good doctors scientific prediction and/or verdicts of how long she would had lived – which had been proven wrong & had to be revised again and again with amazement and high admiration. May your strength and spirit inspire me, forever. Wish you enough.

 

NOTE:

*     Thanks to CS; a dear friend, a smart girl whose enjoyable talks with her had inspired me to write this article.

**   To ever taste this experience, read “the Doctors”, a best selling novel of Erich Segall about a few good doctors; since their early days in Harvard Medical School until they finally can make peace with the world. It’s very touching and inspiring. On my friendster.com profile page, I claimed this as one of my most favourite novel of all time.

 

UPDATED :

*     Dec 21, 2006. Re-posted after grammatically corrected and modified by Belle (thanks!).

 

By Julie Morgenstern


Become more efficient and instantly transform the quality of your life — in five easy steps. Taken from oprah.com, as of Nov 19, 2006 - 01.16 am

1. Shorten your workday by 30 minutes.
I promise you'll get more done than if you put in your usual nine to ten hours. That's because committing to leaving earlier gives you a deadline and forces you to eliminate the little time wasters (silly interruptions, procrastination, perfectionism) that eat up your day.

2. Avoid multitasking.
Recent studies show that it can take the brain twice as long to process each thing it's working on when switching back and forth between activities. By learning to focus fully on one project at a time, you can regain the extra hour or two you crave. Just don't squander it on mundane chores!

3. Break the habit of total self-reliance.
Insisting on doing everything yourself burdens you and prevents others from feeling valuable and needed. Delegate more at home and at work, and free your time for things you love and excel at.

4. Capture all your to-dos in one place.
People who haphazardly write lists on stray notepads, Post-its, and backs of envelopes waste time wondering what to do next and worrying that they're forgetting something. Choose only one tool (planner, Palm, notebook) to track everything you need to do, and prioritize from the top down. Start every morning with the most important item, not the many small, easy tasks. You can always squeeze the little things into the gaps. Conquering the big to-dos gives meaning to your day.

5. Schedule one purely joyful activity each week.
Think of an activity—dancing, reading, playing guitar—that you haven't done for a long time and that brings you instant happiness. Put it in your datebook as a nonnegotiable appointment with yourself, and watch the quality of your life transform.